pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
