It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
