Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
