umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
