We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
