strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
