Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
