I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
