he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
