Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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