YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
