Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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