This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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