I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
