Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
