i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
