I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
