He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We got so high we made milksteak
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
