White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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