I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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