He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
