I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
