my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
