So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
