dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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