One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
