you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
