I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
