Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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