Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
