Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
