Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
