I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
