Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
