I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
