Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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