i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
