I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
