we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
