We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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