I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
