my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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