reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
