I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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