Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
