Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dear god my vagina.
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