What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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