So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
