It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
