I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
