i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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