I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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