Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
