Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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