i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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